Watch Out Nigella

So my ever irritating and ever random wheat intolerance appears to have resurfaced it's ugly head. Obviously means I have to cut a huge amount of things out of my diet and generally it's rather pooh on (gluten free) toast.

As a result I've been rather preoccupied by food today and I got to thinking about Come Dine with Me ( possibly the most masterful creation of daytime television ever produced - I know not of anyone who dislikes it - it's pure genius) and how I feel they should do a one off "Student Special".

Staying within the realities of student living - there will a budget of £20 for a 3 course meal for 4 people. Now of course there has to be rules within this - things do have to be created - no Pot Noodles allowed (Supernoodles are fine), the menu cannot consist solely of alcoholic beverages or cocktails, mouldy items shall be deemed not fit for sharing (stuff scavenged out of the supermarket reduced bit is fine so long as it's not too far passed the sell by date) and deliveries from the local pizza place are off limits.

As a student myself I will hold my hand up and admit that £2.70 will always go on a pint of cider before it would on 2 days worth of food shopping from B&M Bargains. As a result I have at times been reduced at times to concocting some very interesting combinations of things at the end of the month when money is tight in order not to starve. So rather than let them go to waste, I felt that I would use these delightful discoveries in my own Student Special Come Dine with Me menu. Now sadly I can't eat pretty much of any of this at the moment with previously mentioned wheat intolerance but I felt I shouldn't be stingy and share my talents with you my dah-ling readers.

Feast your eyes on this:

Canapes: Selection of Hors D'oeuvres
Packets of crisps arranged nicely into bowls (Iceland do variety packs for £1) and Strongbow - though only one can each to not outstretch the budget.

Starter: Exotic Medley Soup
Be as creative as you like with this one. Make a nice stock from cup-a-soups, find any kind of edible left overs in the fridge (last nights take-away remains make an especially tasty addition - just not pizza because that's beyond wrong) and chuck it in a big pan, add cheap tinned chopped tomatoes, half a pint of water and instant mash potato powder to thicken. Mix it all up and ask to borrow a blender from someone - whaz it up (Jamie Oliver stylee) until smooth and lumpless - put back in pan to heat - season with soy sauce sachets left from Pot Noodles if last nights take away was Chinese - if not a hefty amount of Subway salt sachets will suffice.

Main: Sea Food Surprise
Add two tins of tuna to a jar of value pasta sauce, pour over cooked pasta tubes in a lasagna dish, sprinkle over bread (that's past it's best and no good for much else) into crumbs over the top and if you're feeling flash grate some (on offer) strong cheddar. Bake until the crumbs toast and cheese melts.


Dessert: Ginger Zest & Oat Crumble with Creamy Iced Vanilla.
Porridge oats made up with a small amount of boiling water, add packets of (stolen from cafes) brown sugar, crush Tesco Value ginger nut biscuits into tiny crumbs and stir mixture until fully and evenly mixed. If the mixture is quite runny whap it in the microwave until it has more of a chewy looking consistency and reheat again before serving with one scoop of cheap ass ice cream. Sprinkle more brown sugar for decoration.

I'm going to pitch it to Channel 4...