"Looking good and dressing well is essential. A purpose in life is not" - Oscar Wilde.
My head feels divided. I fear I've been fitting myself into a mould for far too long and I'm beginning to see the cracks in it.
Friday, 4 June 2010
27 Hours
My ignorance and naivety has become somewhat of a disturbance to me lately - in terms of the greater picture anyway. Over the past few weeks I have become progressively quieter - more introverted and consumed by thoughts, more content to watch and absorb, listen and learn. I have spent many hours in the company of two particular people that provide great wisdom and life lessons and I have in turn become "quite the avid note taker".
Frivolity I do not frown upon - in fact I positively encourage it - it's essential at times but recently I've been presented (through my own doing) with quite large philosophical questions about my life - about my purpose, my role, my function and where it's all going ... and what for. Then I realised it was probably more the wiser to stop trying to find the answers than it was to actually come up with a conclusion. It's a journey and what will be will be - if we knew the answers what would be the point in having the journey at all?
I've felt myself the past six weeks feel progressively weaker - physically and certainly spiritually. There's been too many parties, too much substance and not enough time with self and soul. Whilst these things are absolutely fantastic in moderation - I became increasingly aware that I was running away from something - trying to shut out something about myself I wasn't happy with. I let this carry on for far too long, my physical health was ravaged, weak and run down one day lead to 14 hours sleep one night - followed by being awake for only 5 hours the next day to feed myself before sleeping a further 13. Hibernation. I experienced a lot of dreams and sensations within those hours of very deep sleep and I woke feeling altogether shifted.
Why I didn't realise these things weeks, even years ago I don't know - I suppose it wasn't on my map to get to this point until now but I've made some strong decisions to work and focus on my spiritual self. I'm going to rejuvenate (the word detox has been bastardised), stop the drink, stop smoking and take a purer diet. Nothing too extreme just take care of myself, restore order and routine, take care of myself so I'm well equipped to give back to the world.
That isn't to say I won't go out and party on occasion but that is what it shall be - an occasion - not just because. The main thing is that my head and heart are in a different position with it all. I want more mental space for creativity and being educated instead of it being plagued with chemical and drugs. I'm excited by this gift I'm giving myself and how I can potentially be enriched and acquire knowledge now I've got more of a chance. I feel quite blessed that I had the epiphany.
Frivolity I do not frown upon - in fact I positively encourage it - it's essential at times but recently I've been presented (through my own doing) with quite large philosophical questions about my life - about my purpose, my role, my function and where it's all going ... and what for. Then I realised it was probably more the wiser to stop trying to find the answers than it was to actually come up with a conclusion. It's a journey and what will be will be - if we knew the answers what would be the point in having the journey at all?
I've felt myself the past six weeks feel progressively weaker - physically and certainly spiritually. There's been too many parties, too much substance and not enough time with self and soul. Whilst these things are absolutely fantastic in moderation - I became increasingly aware that I was running away from something - trying to shut out something about myself I wasn't happy with. I let this carry on for far too long, my physical health was ravaged, weak and run down one day lead to 14 hours sleep one night - followed by being awake for only 5 hours the next day to feed myself before sleeping a further 13. Hibernation. I experienced a lot of dreams and sensations within those hours of very deep sleep and I woke feeling altogether shifted.
Why I didn't realise these things weeks, even years ago I don't know - I suppose it wasn't on my map to get to this point until now but I've made some strong decisions to work and focus on my spiritual self. I'm going to rejuvenate (the word detox has been bastardised), stop the drink, stop smoking and take a purer diet. Nothing too extreme just take care of myself, restore order and routine, take care of myself so I'm well equipped to give back to the world.
That isn't to say I won't go out and party on occasion but that is what it shall be - an occasion - not just because. The main thing is that my head and heart are in a different position with it all. I want more mental space for creativity and being educated instead of it being plagued with chemical and drugs. I'm excited by this gift I'm giving myself and how I can potentially be enriched and acquire knowledge now I've got more of a chance. I feel quite blessed that I had the epiphany.
Saturday, 29 May 2010
Spiritual Sponging
Just think of me as the pages in your diary...
It doesn't take a deeply spiritual person to realise that I have an overactive throat chakra- like most with a persuasion towards writing really I am full of the verbal, the language, the word. I have these thoughts inside of me and my throat chakra feels the needs to keep going and going. That said however I like to feel I counter balance that by at times just completely switching it all off - and just absorbing.
I had made the decision to go out with a friend, same old place, same old people which in itself is always really enjoyable but we got ready and just began to talk and a few minutes turned into a few hours and suddenly it was evident we weren't going anywhere. I do like to talk - hell that's obvious - but I love even more so to listen. I can feel my soul being fed as I sit and listen to people, blessed and privaledged to be given an insight into themselves and their views on the world. I believe empathy to be sacred and I feel as I listen to people I can be taken on a journey with them, the emotional path and I know in turn I'm learning.
Recently a neighbour of mine commented (albeit slightly drunkenly) that wasn't I "quite the avid note taker". It has become a habit of late - I feel like in every single encounter I'm growing and learning and as different things are presented to me I feel the need to encapture them in my notebook with heightened awareness that these things are going to teach me valuable life lessons at some point or show me that I need to teach others.
I'm beginning to understand even more so the importance of human interactions, I have begun listening with eyes and heart not just ears and daily I'm feeling myself being nourished. I'm not quite sure what made the shift or whether I just let my spiritual barriers down somewhat but I feel like I have a been given a gift an insight into growing in wisdom and I feel it slightly my duty to translate this and share it with others through my pen...
It doesn't take a deeply spiritual person to realise that I have an overactive throat chakra- like most with a persuasion towards writing really I am full of the verbal, the language, the word. I have these thoughts inside of me and my throat chakra feels the needs to keep going and going. That said however I like to feel I counter balance that by at times just completely switching it all off - and just absorbing.
I had made the decision to go out with a friend, same old place, same old people which in itself is always really enjoyable but we got ready and just began to talk and a few minutes turned into a few hours and suddenly it was evident we weren't going anywhere. I do like to talk - hell that's obvious - but I love even more so to listen. I can feel my soul being fed as I sit and listen to people, blessed and privaledged to be given an insight into themselves and their views on the world. I believe empathy to be sacred and I feel as I listen to people I can be taken on a journey with them, the emotional path and I know in turn I'm learning.
Recently a neighbour of mine commented (albeit slightly drunkenly) that wasn't I "quite the avid note taker". It has become a habit of late - I feel like in every single encounter I'm growing and learning and as different things are presented to me I feel the need to encapture them in my notebook with heightened awareness that these things are going to teach me valuable life lessons at some point or show me that I need to teach others.
I'm beginning to understand even more so the importance of human interactions, I have begun listening with eyes and heart not just ears and daily I'm feeling myself being nourished. I'm not quite sure what made the shift or whether I just let my spiritual barriers down somewhat but I feel like I have a been given a gift an insight into growing in wisdom and I feel it slightly my duty to translate this and share it with others through my pen...
Thursday, 13 May 2010
I am what I am... and I don't get modern art!!
I simply just don't get modern art - I'm sorry - I just don't. Call me uncultured if you like but you could give me a big fat stack of it and I simply just would not be able to tell you what was supposedly fantastic and what was supposedly utter bollocks.
Today I have spent a considerable amount of time in art galleries in Liverpool - the Tate Modern and the Walker to be precise. Now don't go misunderstanding me - I LOVE art - I love looking at it, I can appreciate things aesthetically, I can understand and empathise with it ... but I just don't "get it".
My interest in art really does lie with the issues around it, it's meaning, it's purpose, the politics of it all - what does it stand for, what motivated the artist to produce it and most importantly why? Things need to have a reason for me to understand them and all too often I feel modern art takes the proverbial when it comes to bending reasoning to fit their art. "Oh it's just a dot on a page therefore it represents the microscopic scale of which I feel I am within the suffocating oppression of the Capitalist world in which we are imprisoned" yadayada.
Take for example one of the John Moore's prize winner pieces in the Walker. This is the equally imaginatively titled "Two Geese" by Peter Kinley (and er me):
Now I must say it is indeed a very nice picture of two geese, one facing one way the other the other ... but I just don't get it? How is that prize winning? It's so incredibly simplistic (or shall we get all technical and use the art term "naive") that a child could have produced it. It's not thought provoking, there's no real usage of effective colour harmony going on, there's seemingly no message or purpose or to be honest any real talent involved in creating that image. Oh do please forgive me if I am being so ignorant I'm actually beginning to personify the word ... I'd be more than grateful if someone could fill me in?!
I know I absolutely drive my fashion tutor Gerry potty when we go to art galleries because I spend most of my time reading the little labels attached to pieces and scribbling down the background information and details about the artists and their lives rather than actually taking time to appreciate the visual piece in front of me. I have no interest in sketching it - I'd rather take a photograph and go home to spend 17 hours on the internet and researching in the library learning all about the hows and whys.
I might not be able to tell you much about the construction or techniques or what can of chuffing paint was used on every last piece I looked at today (or even what it looked like much to be honest) but I had an absolute field day in the Walker gallery and it's exhibition (or celebration as I like to see it) of female artists. They had a beautiful little corner with a big pile of books relating to females in the art movement and I betcha all I learned so much more about the art itself from reading all that than actually standing and sketching it - that is just how I learn and we are all different.
Though Gerry will try in vain - I will never make a designer, I'll never be an artist - I cannot help it - it is in my nature to ask questions and I know I was born to be a writer. You can take me anywhere and I will utilise the space for my own needs, I will think in words, in essays, in reporting, in social reasoning, in media, in promotion - in language. That is my way of absorbing and appreciating art and I do believe I should be allowed to take that in however I want.
Today I have spent a considerable amount of time in art galleries in Liverpool - the Tate Modern and the Walker to be precise. Now don't go misunderstanding me - I LOVE art - I love looking at it, I can appreciate things aesthetically, I can understand and empathise with it ... but I just don't "get it".
My interest in art really does lie with the issues around it, it's meaning, it's purpose, the politics of it all - what does it stand for, what motivated the artist to produce it and most importantly why? Things need to have a reason for me to understand them and all too often I feel modern art takes the proverbial when it comes to bending reasoning to fit their art. "Oh it's just a dot on a page therefore it represents the microscopic scale of which I feel I am within the suffocating oppression of the Capitalist world in which we are imprisoned" yadayada.
Take for example one of the John Moore's prize winner pieces in the Walker. This is the equally imaginatively titled "Two Geese" by Peter Kinley (and er me):
Now I must say it is indeed a very nice picture of two geese, one facing one way the other the other ... but I just don't get it? How is that prize winning? It's so incredibly simplistic (or shall we get all technical and use the art term "naive") that a child could have produced it. It's not thought provoking, there's no real usage of effective colour harmony going on, there's seemingly no message or purpose or to be honest any real talent involved in creating that image. Oh do please forgive me if I am being so ignorant I'm actually beginning to personify the word ... I'd be more than grateful if someone could fill me in?!
I know I absolutely drive my fashion tutor Gerry potty when we go to art galleries because I spend most of my time reading the little labels attached to pieces and scribbling down the background information and details about the artists and their lives rather than actually taking time to appreciate the visual piece in front of me. I have no interest in sketching it - I'd rather take a photograph and go home to spend 17 hours on the internet and researching in the library learning all about the hows and whys.
I might not be able to tell you much about the construction or techniques or what can of chuffing paint was used on every last piece I looked at today (or even what it looked like much to be honest) but I had an absolute field day in the Walker gallery and it's exhibition (or celebration as I like to see it) of female artists. They had a beautiful little corner with a big pile of books relating to females in the art movement and I betcha all I learned so much more about the art itself from reading all that than actually standing and sketching it - that is just how I learn and we are all different.
Though Gerry will try in vain - I will never make a designer, I'll never be an artist - I cannot help it - it is in my nature to ask questions and I know I was born to be a writer. You can take me anywhere and I will utilise the space for my own needs, I will think in words, in essays, in reporting, in social reasoning, in media, in promotion - in language. That is my way of absorbing and appreciating art and I do believe I should be allowed to take that in however I want.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
Powder Puff
Concealing mask,
Viable task,
War paint, top coat,
A facial basque.
Powdered face,
Saving grace,
Elegance, perfection,
And knowing her place.
Survivalism,
Obscuring vision,
Contours, emotions,
All crafted with precision.
Painted on,
Realism gone,
Eloquent, beautified,
The show must go on…
Viable task,
War paint, top coat,
A facial basque.
Powdered face,
Saving grace,
Elegance, perfection,
And knowing her place.
Survivalism,
Obscuring vision,
Contours, emotions,
All crafted with precision.
Painted on,
Realism gone,
Eloquent, beautified,
The show must go on…
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
Technicolour Tea Party
My favourite shots from a shoot I modelled for Miss Hannah Barraclough final year Fashion Promotions student at UClan. Inspired by the kitsch-tastic jewellery by Tatty Devine (tattydevine.com).
It was wonderful to be able to model doing something more fun and creating and working with a whole team. It was an effort at times not to switch into stylist mode and just to leave Hannah to strut her stuff... though several of my wardrobe items may have sneaked into a shot or two. I absolutely adored the tea sets that Hannah made and feel the whole thing was really creative and successful - fingers and toes for her getting a great mark for it.
Photography: Si Miller
Styling: Hannah Barraclough
Make-Up: Stephanie Pearson
Assistant to Stylist: Sarah Taylor.
It was wonderful to be able to model doing something more fun and creating and working with a whole team. It was an effort at times not to switch into stylist mode and just to leave Hannah to strut her stuff... though several of my wardrobe items may have sneaked into a shot or two. I absolutely adored the tea sets that Hannah made and feel the whole thing was really creative and successful - fingers and toes for her getting a great mark for it.
Photography: Si Miller
Styling: Hannah Barraclough
Make-Up: Stephanie Pearson
Assistant to Stylist: Sarah Taylor.
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
Watch Out Nigella
So my ever irritating and ever random wheat intolerance appears to have resurfaced it's ugly head. Obviously means I have to cut a huge amount of things out of my diet and generally it's rather pooh on (gluten free) toast.
As a result I've been rather preoccupied by food today and I got to thinking about Come Dine with Me ( possibly the most masterful creation of daytime television ever produced - I know not of anyone who dislikes it - it's pure genius) and how I feel they should do a one off "Student Special".
Staying within the realities of student living - there will a budget of £20 for a 3 course meal for 4 people. Now of course there has to be rules within this - things do have to be created - no Pot Noodles allowed (Supernoodles are fine), the menu cannot consist solely of alcoholic beverages or cocktails, mouldy items shall be deemed not fit for sharing (stuff scavenged out of the supermarket reduced bit is fine so long as it's not too far passed the sell by date) and deliveries from the local pizza place are off limits.
As a student myself I will hold my hand up and admit that £2.70 will always go on a pint of cider before it would on 2 days worth of food shopping from B&M Bargains. As a result I have at times been reduced at times to concocting some very interesting combinations of things at the end of the month when money is tight in order not to starve. So rather than let them go to waste, I felt that I would use these delightful discoveries in my own Student Special Come Dine with Me menu. Now sadly I can't eat pretty much of any of this at the moment with previously mentioned wheat intolerance but I felt I shouldn't be stingy and share my talents with you my dah-ling readers.
Feast your eyes on this:
Canapes: Selection of Hors D'oeuvres
Packets of crisps arranged nicely into bowls (Iceland do variety packs for £1) and Strongbow - though only one can each to not outstretch the budget.
Starter: Exotic Medley Soup
Be as creative as you like with this one. Make a nice stock from cup-a-soups, find any kind of edible left overs in the fridge (last nights take-away remains make an especially tasty addition - just not pizza because that's beyond wrong) and chuck it in a big pan, add cheap tinned chopped tomatoes, half a pint of water and instant mash potato powder to thicken. Mix it all up and ask to borrow a blender from someone - whaz it up (Jamie Oliver stylee) until smooth and lumpless - put back in pan to heat - season with soy sauce sachets left from Pot Noodles if last nights take away was Chinese - if not a hefty amount of Subway salt sachets will suffice.
Main: Sea Food Surprise
Add two tins of tuna to a jar of value pasta sauce, pour over cooked pasta tubes in a lasagna dish, sprinkle over bread (that's past it's best and no good for much else) into crumbs over the top and if you're feeling flash grate some (on offer) strong cheddar. Bake until the crumbs toast and cheese melts.
Dessert: Ginger Zest & Oat Crumble with Creamy Iced Vanilla.
Porridge oats made up with a small amount of boiling water, add packets of (stolen from cafes) brown sugar, crush Tesco Value ginger nut biscuits into tiny crumbs and stir mixture until fully and evenly mixed. If the mixture is quite runny whap it in the microwave until it has more of a chewy looking consistency and reheat again before serving with one scoop of cheap ass ice cream. Sprinkle more brown sugar for decoration.
I'm going to pitch it to Channel 4...
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